Little by little, and by that I mean a time span of perhaps 20 years, some things begin to reveal themselves to me. Like a certain movie that I saw a few months ago.
What a powerful post, thank you Minna. I have not seen the movie Andrei Rublev but your description was very moving. What it brought up for me is the issue of concentration which then brought up the issue of discipline. This is what good art, such as your writing, does. It makes one think and go to unexpected places.
The movie sounds amazing, especially to an art lover, yet I wonder if I have what it takes to get enough out of it. I don't say this in a flippant manner, rather I am asking myself "Do I have what it takes". Clearly, this question is about more than a movie, just as your dream is likely about more than finding your way out of that place. For some time I have been questioning my personal ethos and discipline, or lack thereof and reading this made me consider it more deeply.