This is a record of the communication log of the evacuation of the last four teams during the great Hongell-Lisicki geomagnetic reversal event.
“This is Alpha. We’re located at Extraction Point Alpha and ready. Conditions at 4.0 on the Richter scale. Landing possible within a 30 minute time window. Over.”
“Copy that, Alpha, and update from Beta. We’re moving to Extraction Point Beta. It will take us about 12 hours. Do not attempt to land on Alpha. Ground conditions severely unstable. Sink holes larger than a football field will appear. We lost crew member 47 and 78 — and our helicopter. We’re on foot. Over.”
“This is Gamma. Copy that Alpha and Beta. We’re remaining airborne for now. Magnetic interference is making it impossible to track you exactly. Extraction point Delta is now your only option. Time: 12 hours. Original map still holds, with slight variations. I repeat, time: 12 hours. Confirm please. Over.”
“This is Alpha. En route to extraction point Delta. Over.”
“This is Beta. We’re walking as fast as we can to extraction point Delta! Over!”
“Copy that, Alpha and Beta! Delta, please confirm that you have secured extraction point Delta! Over!”
silence
“Come in, Delta! Come in, Delta! Can you hear us? This is Gamma. Please respond!”
silence
“…Canadian Shield… Flin Flon! New location is Flin Flon! We can do 11 hours. I repeat 11 hours. Next seismic activity in 12 to 13 hours. This is Delta. This is Delta. New extraction point Delta is Flin Flon! You must get here within the next 11 hours. Stable now. This is the oldest bedrock on Earth. It will remain stable longer. We have room for everyone onboard as long as you make it here within 11 hours! Hope you all heard this! Extraction point Delta over!”
“Copy that Delta! This is Gamma. We are going to attempt to locate team Beta and see if we can assist. Beta is on foot, expecting 12 hours before arrival to extraction point. Over.”
“Copy that, Gamma. Best of luck everyone. Our magnetic anomaly detector is still working accurately. Delta over.”
silence
“Calling Omega, this is Delta. Is the airborne fortress ready?”
“This is Omega Airborne Fortress. Ready when you are. Over.”
“Copy that. Alpha, Beta, Gamma and Delta are ready for onboarding in 45 minutes. Three helicopters need anchors. Fifty crew members need recovery suits. Ten crew members need MRI realignments. Be ready, some walked 11 hours. Over",”
“Copy that, Delta. We will be sending red flares when you approach. Keep it up, soon you’ll be home. Over.”
silence
“This is Beta. We’re about 1 km away. We can see you in the valley! Wait for us!”
“Beta, this is Gamma. We’re on way to pick you up. Hang in there! Extraction point Delta, confirm you will wait!”
“Gamma! We owe you one! Can’t wait to get off this gneiss!”
“This is extraction point Delta. Gamma and Beta, you have 20 minutes. Make it quick!”
silence
“This is Alpha and Delta calling Omega Airborne Fortress! Beta and Gamma are down! I repeat, Beta and Gamma are down, and need rapid assistance! Can you give us 60 minutes for rescue? Over!”
“Negative. Proceed to Omega. Current altitude can only be maintained for 30 minutes before we need to ascend. Proceed to Omega!”
“This is Alpha calling Omega. They can’t get down from the cliffs in that time! Gamma lost their helicopter. You need to wait! Some of them walked over a day. Hold position Omega! Hold position!”
“Negative. Proceed to Omega. Current altitude can only be maintained for another 29 minutes before we need to ascend. Proceed to Omega.”
brief silence
“This is Beta and Gamma! The ground is too unstable now! We need help here! None of the geomagnetic neutralizers work anymore. We are trying to rapell down the cliff! You better wait for us, Delta and Alpha, or we’ll kick your teeth in once we’ve recovered!”
“Get here in one piece and we’ll gladly present our teeth to you in a line. We’ve got a visual on you! You’ve got 15 minutes! Go go go! You’re looking pretty good there. Just another few hundred yards!”
silence
“Extraction point Delta complete. We’ll be there in 25 minutes! And you better be ready and still for us, Omega!”
“You are late. Omega will begin ascension protocol in 20 minutes. Make haste!”
“Delta with Alpha, Beta, and Gamma, are grateful for you oh so generous attitude towards the last humans stepping off this mortal coil. You better wait, Omega! Our crew deserves an honorable welcome when we step onto the air-fortress in 24 minutes! Over!”
“Hold please. Will request extension clearance.”
brief silence
“This is Omega Airborne Fortress welcoming extraction point Delta for docking in 24 minutes. Landing pads A1 and A2 are cleared for landing. Stability is good. Anchoring is good. Red flares will go up once we have a visual on you. And — the captain is welcoming you home! Now get here as fast as you can before we lose more altitude! We just spent a week’s worth of energy waiting for you!”
cheers and laughter
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